It's Painful

It has been more than 4 months that we were reconnected and a month after meeting each other again.

The bond are getting stronger by the minutes, no, by the seconds. Never dream that it would turn out this way. My intention of seeking her was to seek some clarification and make a closure. But the closure could never happen. How could it when bits of our love are still in each others hearts. The meeting had triggered the regrouping of the tiny pieces into a force that we ourselves could not comprehend. It's painful, very painful ......

JULY 25, 2009

Ya, that was a historic day. We get to meet again after a hibernation of some 36 years. Courtesy of a group of former classmates. Of course it was nolstagic. Friends do know about our past but none on the present. There are elements of nervousness between us ... what do you expect? I did maintain some level of composure but she was nervous.

There are so many memories to share with those present but there was so little time. By the time I was composed enough to have some private moments, it was time to disband. What more, she and a few of her close friends had some other pre-arranged program. But did manage to pass her a momenta to mark our meeting. Thing that is decreed enough to occupy her purse .. to be with her wherever she goes. A little card with no writings on it, there was no necessity as all that we want to say were in our hearts.

How Did It Ended?

How did it ended?..... I search hard but never found a reason.

*

Of course I couldn't, because there was none! We had never ended our relationship. All these 40 years, the puppy was hibernating within each others heart, waiting for the x-factor that will wake it up. Of course there were moments of hatred, moments of physical separation. But the bond is unshaken, we had never fall out of love. Betul kan Mama Puppy, betul kan?

Puppy Love - Part 5

Lama tak posting. Tak apalah, site ni untuk syok sendiri saja. We are going through great times -- going through memories, exchanging pics (and for me browsing thru old pics. pics yang aku bagi kat dia, dia dah buang Sg. Kelantan, hehehe), making calls, sms, chatting, exchanging comments on the sosial networking portal and cautioning each other from time to time that we are happily married grandmama and grandpapa. Bukannya kita nak bercinta, it's not that because we are old but it's not an issue anymore. Reality rules.

It's seems that we are never tired of 'missing each other'. Lagi satu hal, this episode had brought together old friends of ours ,the grandmamas that I had lost t6ouch for some 40 years! Masa sekolah dulu, we had our own circle of friends . Bila masing masing dah build up families the men and the ladiesbegin to shift apart. Now we are together again (well, most of us). Bila grandpapas and grandmamas are together age seems to neutralize, ye lah, wavelength kan dah sama.

Puppy Love - Part 4

Well, it has been a number days since my last posting. We had been communicating quite frequently the past two - three weeks. Guess, the time spent were many folds longer then we did within the 4-5 years we were together. Yalah, zaman sekolah dulu dulu mana ada peluang macam sekarang. Tambahan pula we stayed some seven miles apart.

Our 'dates' were limited to the weekly scout meetings, campings, outings/picnics dengan kawan kawan. We had a close circle of friends (male/female) that normally move around together. The boys memang gila camping, normally kat pantai yang letaknya about one and a half hour cycle drive away. Bukan tak ada bas, but it's more fun that way. Lagi pun, traffic tak heavy macam sekarang, riding two abreast tu kira biasalah. The guys will cycle and camped for a night, the gals will join the following day. Have fun together -- no holding hands, no being away from the group for some private moments. But that was more than enough. After all we were school going kids way back in the early 70ees. A friend and I used to cycle thru 3 major towns in our home state in a day, a distance of about 50 km or so. For no reason, jumpa pagi, make a desision, and fusshhhhh.... just like that, parents pun tak tau. Sebab tu lah masa tu, obessity among school going kids are hard to find.

Coming back the communications that we had been having. Well, there some misconceptions, some part of the history need to be re-written ..................

Puppy Love - Part 3

Pada tahun 1971 sekolah kami perpindah ke primis sendiri. Sebelumnya ia menumpang sekolah lain. It was the beginning of some great moments of our relationship. Pertukaran ini juga tidak membolehkan Puppy (i shall call her by this name from now on) berulang dari rumahnya setiap hari kerana jarak kesekolah telah menjadi jauh, juga perlu penggunaan dua bas. Keluarga Puppy mengatur untuknya tinggal bersana satu keluarga berhampiran sekolah. It's not that near though, she still had to cycle to school. Those days, guna basikal is a 'no hal' matter. Aku sendiri yang tinggal lima batu dari sekolah biasa berbasikal untuk perjumpaan pengakap pada hari Sabtu.

Yang paling teruja ialah kami ditempatkan dalam satu kelas, the top of 10 classess. But I was still a shy and quite guy, communication remained via the science text book -- bagi surat cinta lah, apa lagi. But letters are fun you know, you get to file, read them again and again and again, scented with talc, seal with kisses, hugs, put under your pillow, stick them on the wall, etc, etc. Can't do that with ym, sms, e-mails -- pity you kids.

p.s. I'll be happy to share this blog with dreamers out there. Pen your memories as comments.

The Beginning

The Puppy was born 40 years ago -1969. Pretty long time eh? Need to squeeze my RAM hard to bring out the memories.

We were of the same school. Both in Form 1 but of different classes. Actually she was a year my senior. Senior? Ya, she entered the school a year earlier, to a Remove Class. Thinking back, we actually traveled the same route by bus to and from school, but didn't realise her existent then. Remember though one occasion when I was sitting in the bus and she was standing near me, holding the seat in front of me. Look up at her but nothing happen. Could not apprehend why until now that moment stuck in me.

It was a friend or hers, a one Fatti**** that had played cupid. Never thought then of asking her whether she had a crush on me or just having fun, or on being challenged by friends. I'll check with her. I was a shy guy, and still is -- that year our affair was limited to exchanges of letters/notes only, with Fatti**** being the go-between.

Puppy Love - The defination

Puppy Love?

Before we go further, let's see what Mr. Wikipedia says,

Puppy Love

Puppy love or a crush is an informal term for feelings of love, particularly between young people during adolescence, so-called for its resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection that may be felt by a puppy. The term is often used in a derogatory fashion, describing emotions which are shallow and transient in comparison to other forms of love such as romantic love.

The term (also commonly described as a "crush") can also be used to describe the fondness of a child for an adult. For example, a student's being attracted to his or her teacher could be considered puppy love.

The term "puppy love" may meet with resistance from the people whose affections it is used to describe. The term is commonly perceived to be patronizing and belittling of genuine emotion. Use of this term might also be seen as an invalidation of the person's feelings.

Calf Love

During Elizabethan times, it was known as calf love. A prominent example can be found in William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet, in which a young man, Romeo Montague, is infatuated with a girl named Rosaline before finding true love with Juliet Capulet. In the second act, Romeo is chastised by his friend Friar Laurence, who claims his new love for Juliet illuminates the shallow nature of his feelings toward Rosaline:

“Holy Saint Francis, what a change is here! Is Rosaline, whom thou didst love so dear,So soon forsaken? young men's love then lies Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.”

Emmmm, whatever ............

Terima Kasih Allah

terima kasih Allah
membuka rongga di ruang cyber
menoktahkan carian berzaman

terima kasih Allah
membuka rongga di ruang cyber
untuk ku peterikan rekahan rekahan
hatinya - yang aku remukkan
dalam keremukan hati sendiri

terima kasih Allah
tilam empuk tidak beronak lagi

apr14, 2009

Puppy Love? - Part 2

I owe lorry loads of thanks to a close friend (in a social network portal) of mind that make all this happened. It so happened that this lady and the Puppy where in the same profession. Confide in her about my wish list. She did not know her but promised to help. She mentioned some names and some localities, and my heart said she's on the track.

The next day, she left me a message. Our instincts were correct - Bull's Eye! That evening we were on the phone with me sweating all over. We sure have lot of vacuum to fill up and plenty of memories to recall. Don't have to caution me! We understand our limits, we both have our love ones. After all, we are grandpapa and grandmama.

April 12, 2009. 40 (40? almost) years; every ticks were worth waiting.

Puppy Love?

I always wanted to be a blogger but just couldn't find the right topic to work on. But a change of events that started on 11 April 2009 and and turning a dream to reality the next day start it all.

I'm a soon to be grandpapa. Why meddling in this kind of stuff? I should be writing on politics, economy or any other adult stuff! What the heck, thousands or hundreds of thousands are writing on that. Grandpapa or not, most of us or you out there had gone through some kind of puppy love. Of course, many didn't get to turn to a dog. My 3rd daughter gonna make it a reality, Insya'Allah. I'm gonna wed her come this December with a guy that she was involved since 16. Call it partial puppy love!

I've never been able to delete mine out of the memory. Yes, it's been more than 40 years, but still as fresh as this morning's nasi lemak. Nasi lemak? Yes, nasi lemak. The sweetness and aroma of steam ice, the bitter sambal, the chewy ikan bilis and the delicate boiled egg (it's delicate as the makcik only includes a tiny weeny quarter of it). And the wrapping of newspaper and coconut leaf does not help much. A slip off your hand, spells bye bye.

Yes, all this fourty years, my 'puppy' was always in mind In fact she's in my wish list, to get in touch, to check what had really happened, why we didn't make it, was it my fault or hers. After all, we were together from early teen to young adult. Young adult? Not really, but I thought I was matured enough to decide who's best for my future kids.